I had a meditation teacher once talk about pausing between the exhale and the inhale and being deeply present to that moment. Maybe there’s a metaphor in there?
This one hits home. Well done! Such crucial nuance that not enough people are willing to talk about. What are some tips you have for ways to partners to wade back into the cringy without triggering something worse?
Ah, this is one of the most important relationship questions, isn't it? How do we return to a conversation that went badly and not just make the badness worse? Well, for one thing, do it at a time and place where you can bring your best self--the self that is willing to share thoughtfully and listen compassionately. Also, validate one another. Also, own your own contributions to the cycle. Also, invite the other person to share the project and do it better. Lots of these tips are ones I've discussed in other newsletters, and certainly a major part of couples therapy!
I remember a sentence in one of Buddhist teacher Tara Brach's videos that helps me when I'm frustrated or overreacting: "The mind creates the abyss; the heart crosses it."
Thank you! George Mumford, on a Buddhist teacher panel in a webinar I watched early in the pandemic, gently interjected during the event: "There's really just one essential question: What would love have me do today?" For some months I began my day with it. Now I'll try it again! [I too keep a favorite quotes file and an Insights file--admittedly they often overlap!]
I had a meditation teacher once talk about pausing between the exhale and the inhale and being deeply present to that moment. Maybe there’s a metaphor in there?
Ooh, I love this as a metaphor, I'm going to use it, if that's ok?
This one hits home. Well done! Such crucial nuance that not enough people are willing to talk about. What are some tips you have for ways to partners to wade back into the cringy without triggering something worse?
Ah, this is one of the most important relationship questions, isn't it? How do we return to a conversation that went badly and not just make the badness worse? Well, for one thing, do it at a time and place where you can bring your best self--the self that is willing to share thoughtfully and listen compassionately. Also, validate one another. Also, own your own contributions to the cycle. Also, invite the other person to share the project and do it better. Lots of these tips are ones I've discussed in other newsletters, and certainly a major part of couples therapy!
I remember a sentence in one of Buddhist teacher Tara Brach's videos that helps me when I'm frustrated or overreacting: "The mind creates the abyss; the heart crosses it."
❤️
I love this and have entered it into my "favorite quotes" notebook. Thank you for sharing it, Louise!
Thank you! George Mumford, on a Buddhist teacher panel in a webinar I watched early in the pandemic, gently interjected during the event: "There's really just one essential question: What would love have me do today?" For some months I began my day with it. Now I'll try it again! [I too keep a favorite quotes file and an Insights file--admittedly they often overlap!]
I am so into starting the day with that question--I may try that, myself!