Nicely put. It would be helpful to unhitch stress from judgmental thoughts “good” or “bad”. Any tips for this? A world without stress would be devoid of meaning and we’d not last long!
In addition to checking thoughts to ensure that they aren't of a "stress is debilitating" variety I find it incredibly helpful to pause and ask how the stress is related to my values or purpose.
For example, there are stressful situations that come up in the course of being a clinician, but if I recognize that I am taking on this stress as a part of living my purpose it helps to "defuse" the stress (related, you may be interested in the concept of "clean discomfort" vs "dirty discomfort").
Taoist philosophy helps folks see things as neutral, versus good or bad. As in, most things experienced as good also carry some bad along with them, and vice versa! So you're spot on with observing that stress, though uncomfortable, is usually a sign that something carries a lot of meaning--which is positive!
Yes! Nicely put. I suspect that all discomfort is a perceptual loading - something that we experience when we are learning or working things out (the brain’s work out). Affect/interoception are the predictive, felt qualities of meaning.
[my favourites were about Heat and Attachment; and Jerry Maguire and Moral Development]
[perhaps some of your people might like to listen to the reflection episodes - it's a good way to see what an engaged community of family and parents are thinking]
and UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS with Josh Szeps [who is on Substack too].
Seraphina Speaks by Seraphina Malina-Derben and Parents Who Think by Danusia Malina-Derben.
And because of those two I subscribed to lots of podcast promoters.
Last year I was into Boldly Me by Chloe Hayden and REAL SURVIVAL STORIES because my compact newspaper pointed me to it.
AdoptChange - *A Home and healing for every child*.
*Wilder* and *The Redemption of Jar Jar Binks* if you enjoy those aspects of pop culture and historical and science fiction.
*The Rest is History* and *Stuff You Should Know*.
For young people: *Short and Curly* because of the philosophical and ethical questions and *Dino Dome* because of all the dinosaur fights.
*Hidden Philanthropist* and *Anchored in Education*
*The good things in life* and *Connecting Disability*.
[When I would listen/read GOOD THINGS - I would also pair/triple it with Gwen Palafox's MEANINGFUL GROWTH and Mandy and Kate's TOO PEAS IN A PODCAST].
*Over the Influence* [Jo Piazza; author of SICILIAN INHERITANCE] and *Raising Good Humans* [Aliza Pressman].
Caro O'Donoghue's Sentimental Garbage/Continental Garbage [she is on Substack too].
Angela Lauria and Matt Lowry's AUTISTIC CULTURE. [Substack; YouTube]
Sarah Bren - SECURELY ATTACHED and also two psychologist friends on BETWEEN THE SESSIONS.
Robyn Gobbel - THE BAFFLING BEHAVIOUR SHOW [and, no, co-regulation is not just coddling - 3 September 2024 podcast].
[She also did a big series on siblings and I first found her on Vimeo in 2021].
Oh boy, there are so many recommendations here I am excited to check out! I am vaguely familiar with a few of these and I already adore Tracy Dennis-Tiwary (I interviewed her on a podcast for her book, Future Tense, which is a powerful read). I really like the breadth and depth that you have of your recommendations! Thank you, Adelaide!
So happy you do know Tracy Dennis-Tiwary and think so highly of her.
When I was looking on the recommendations of some of the people I had mentioned - it was Aliza Pressman; not Katie Davis [who had recommended LIFE ISN'T A PROBLEM FOR YOU TO SOLVE - KD hadn't recommended anybody in her "Recommendations" section
and yet I had a distinct memory of "meeting" Katie Davis through Emily Oster and ParentData].
When I was looking at something of FUTURE TENSE - one of the five big ideas was "Fear keeps us in the present; anxiety brings us in to the future".
Was this on PSYCHOLOGISTS OFF THE CLOCK or another podcast?
As I was listening to STUFF YOU SHOULD KNOW - there was a pod on Maltreated Animals.
Learn: How the rescue of maltreated animals works in the USA - the processes involved.
Laugh: Something about bringing them to your neighbour's house - the way the gentlemen said it was very funny and tickle-some.
Would be interested in some of the names that you knew.
Some of the names you might not know are Australian. Or you might know them from somewhere else/in another capacity.
[that was the Five Big Ideas that I was telling Yael about].
The IF BOOKS COULD KILL abut THE ANXIOUS GENERATION
Learn: JH did not interview one teenager or speak to them.
Laugh: Many of the moments where Michael and Peter talked about moral panics in relation to technology [some of which I had lived through] and things they said about the olden days about their neighbourhoods.
Yes! In acceptance and commitment therapy (the evidence-based therapy I practice), we make an effort to refocus on living in line with our values rather than aiming for some arbitrary outcome of "balance" or "perfection." This approach helps us unhook from unrealistic outcomes and focus, instead, on the way we care to take our journeys, which I think is what you're getting at. And it turns out that connecting to our values does, according to research, help us to unearth more motivation to do the hard things we care about.
I think I get your point - don’t generalise perfectionism as a label with standard assumptions. Each of our pressures is likely to be uniquely ours, just as we’ve made it and its “likeness” doesn’t imply “same”? Don’t make my assumed perfectionism the problem.
In ACT there is a practice of “I am not my thoughts” and untangling things that have become stuck onto identity, with a focus on what’s useful rather than self judgement. As an approach it examines relationships between things and doesn’t attribute the problem to the person - searching instead for reframing, new experiments(Acts in any domain) and reactivating experiential feedback instead of, say, rumination.
Nicely put. It would be helpful to unhitch stress from judgmental thoughts “good” or “bad”. Any tips for this? A world without stress would be devoid of meaning and we’d not last long!
In addition to checking thoughts to ensure that they aren't of a "stress is debilitating" variety I find it incredibly helpful to pause and ask how the stress is related to my values or purpose.
For example, there are stressful situations that come up in the course of being a clinician, but if I recognize that I am taking on this stress as a part of living my purpose it helps to "defuse" the stress (related, you may be interested in the concept of "clean discomfort" vs "dirty discomfort").
"part of living my purpose" - great point. :-)
Taoist philosophy helps folks see things as neutral, versus good or bad. As in, most things experienced as good also carry some bad along with them, and vice versa! So you're spot on with observing that stress, though uncomfortable, is usually a sign that something carries a lot of meaning--which is positive!
Hi Yael
Yes! Nicely put. I suspect that all discomfort is a perceptual loading - something that we experience when we are learning or working things out (the brain’s work out). Affect/interoception are the predictive, felt qualities of meaning.
“Pretending to be perfect isn’t helpful.” I should get that tattooed backwards on my forehead so I read it every time I look in the mirror.
This is a wise parenting AND fashion choice.
This is so helpful -- thanks for the wisdom!
Thank you, Mary. Glad it resonates.
Aw, thank you Mary! And thanks for the restack!
Yael and Jeff:
My first recommendation/share...
Not a podcast, precisely, it's a Substack newsletter
Tracy Dennis-Tiwary writes LIFE ISN'T A PROBLEM FOR YOU TO SOLVE.
I found it on Katie Davis's Substack. http://katiesd.substack.com [TeenSights]
https://tracydennistiwary.substack.com
A podcast I like is THE IMPERFECTS by Hugh van Culyenberg.
BETTER THAN YESTERDAY with Osher Günsberg
Also there is POP CULTURE PARENTING with Billy Garvey and Nick the developing parent.
[Garvey wrote a really good book called TEN THINGS YOUR CHILD WANTS YOU TO KNOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH].
https://pop-culture-parenting.simplecast.com
[my favourites were about Heat and Attachment; and Jerry Maguire and Moral Development]
[perhaps some of your people might like to listen to the reflection episodes - it's a good way to see what an engaged community of family and parents are thinking]
and UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS with Josh Szeps [who is on Substack too].
Seraphina Speaks by Seraphina Malina-Derben and Parents Who Think by Danusia Malina-Derben.
And because of those two I subscribed to lots of podcast promoters.
Last year I was into Boldly Me by Chloe Hayden and REAL SURVIVAL STORIES because my compact newspaper pointed me to it.
AdoptChange - *A Home and healing for every child*.
*Wilder* and *The Redemption of Jar Jar Binks* if you enjoy those aspects of pop culture and historical and science fiction.
*The Rest is History* and *Stuff You Should Know*.
For young people: *Short and Curly* because of the philosophical and ethical questions and *Dino Dome* because of all the dinosaur fights.
*Hidden Philanthropist* and *Anchored in Education*
*The good things in life* and *Connecting Disability*.
[When I would listen/read GOOD THINGS - I would also pair/triple it with Gwen Palafox's MEANINGFUL GROWTH and Mandy and Kate's TOO PEAS IN A PODCAST].
*Over the Influence* [Jo Piazza; author of SICILIAN INHERITANCE] and *Raising Good Humans* [Aliza Pressman].
Caro O'Donoghue's Sentimental Garbage/Continental Garbage [she is on Substack too].
Angela Lauria and Matt Lowry's AUTISTIC CULTURE. [Substack; YouTube]
Sarah Bren - SECURELY ATTACHED and also two psychologist friends on BETWEEN THE SESSIONS.
Robyn Gobbel - THE BAFFLING BEHAVIOUR SHOW [and, no, co-regulation is not just coddling - 3 September 2024 podcast].
[She also did a big series on siblings and I first found her on Vimeo in 2021].
Oh boy, there are so many recommendations here I am excited to check out! I am vaguely familiar with a few of these and I already adore Tracy Dennis-Tiwary (I interviewed her on a podcast for her book, Future Tense, which is a powerful read). I really like the breadth and depth that you have of your recommendations! Thank you, Adelaide!
So happy you do know Tracy Dennis-Tiwary and think so highly of her.
When I was looking on the recommendations of some of the people I had mentioned - it was Aliza Pressman; not Katie Davis [who had recommended LIFE ISN'T A PROBLEM FOR YOU TO SOLVE - KD hadn't recommended anybody in her "Recommendations" section
and yet I had a distinct memory of "meeting" Katie Davis through Emily Oster and ParentData].
When I was looking at something of FUTURE TENSE - one of the five big ideas was "Fear keeps us in the present; anxiety brings us in to the future".
Was this on PSYCHOLOGISTS OFF THE CLOCK or another podcast?
As I was listening to STUFF YOU SHOULD KNOW - there was a pod on Maltreated Animals.
Learn: How the rescue of maltreated animals works in the USA - the processes involved.
Laugh: Something about bringing them to your neighbour's house - the way the gentlemen said it was very funny and tickle-some.
Would be interested in some of the names that you knew.
Some of the names you might not know are Australian. Or you might know them from somewhere else/in another capacity.
Thank you, Adelaide, for these recommendations. I am familiar with and follow Tracy Dennis-Tiwary's work - great perspectives!
Jeff:
She does indeed have a great perspective on many things, which I experienced when looking at her latest: "Content as Cows".
[on being content the way that a cow is content].
Some of the podcasts I mentioned were very Canadian - like Genia Stephens who did GOOD THINGS IN LIFE.
It really is a level to be familiar and follow these people.
And it's not so easy to throw out a name to the world].
For all the Substackers who are in their inbox:
Look for "Audio" or "Video". Both will give you a list.
And it turned out to be more - "MEDIA" in general! [so one button rather than 2]
For those people who might like to know more about Future Tense
[Next Big Idea Club from 2 years ago]
https://nextbigideaclub.com/magazine/future-tense-anxiety-good-even-though-feels-bad-bookbite/34245/
[that was the Five Big Ideas that I was telling Yael about].
The IF BOOKS COULD KILL abut THE ANXIOUS GENERATION
Learn: JH did not interview one teenager or speak to them.
Laugh: Many of the moments where Michael and Peter talked about moral panics in relation to technology [some of which I had lived through] and things they said about the olden days about their neighbourhoods.
Yes! In acceptance and commitment therapy (the evidence-based therapy I practice), we make an effort to refocus on living in line with our values rather than aiming for some arbitrary outcome of "balance" or "perfection." This approach helps us unhook from unrealistic outcomes and focus, instead, on the way we care to take our journeys, which I think is what you're getting at. And it turns out that connecting to our values does, according to research, help us to unearth more motivation to do the hard things we care about.
I think I get your point - don’t generalise perfectionism as a label with standard assumptions. Each of our pressures is likely to be uniquely ours, just as we’ve made it and its “likeness” doesn’t imply “same”? Don’t make my assumed perfectionism the problem.
In ACT there is a practice of “I am not my thoughts” and untangling things that have become stuck onto identity, with a focus on what’s useful rather than self judgement. As an approach it examines relationships between things and doesn’t attribute the problem to the person - searching instead for reframing, new experiments(Acts in any domain) and reactivating experiential feedback instead of, say, rumination.