One of my favorite children's' books is 'The Rabbit Listened' by Cori Doerrfeld where all these animals listen to the child's disappointment in different ways. I'll sometimes jokingly ask my husband "Do you want me to be the chicken (talk), the bear (get angry), or the rabbit (quietly be with him)"?
Oooh, I've never heard of this book--ordering now! I love the idea of this and that it gives you some language to communicate what form of listening you are looking for! Amazing!
I totally can see this! I use active listening with my little kids but not with my husband. We have a good relationship and good communication skills but active listening isn’t one of our tools.
It took me years to fully realize that the fact that my husband isn’t talking about what I said doesn’t mean he didn’t hear and isn’t thinking about what I said. He often did, and days or weeks later his actions prove it. Of course, there are plenty of times he actually didn’t hear me...knowing which time is which is the challenge.
Yes, this is so well put and why I love the takeaway from this communication debate so much--there are lots of ways to listen well!! And when we get rigid about one particular way, we miss out on the others. Have you and your hubs figured out any strategies that do work to figure out what is getting heard and what isn't?
One of my favorite children's' books is 'The Rabbit Listened' by Cori Doerrfeld where all these animals listen to the child's disappointment in different ways. I'll sometimes jokingly ask my husband "Do you want me to be the chicken (talk), the bear (get angry), or the rabbit (quietly be with him)"?
https://www.amazon.com/Rabbit-Listened-Cori-Doerrfeld/dp/073522935X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1R3BIPBU5NTA&keywords=the+rabbit+listened&qid=1704913381&sprefix=the+rabb%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-1
Oooh, I've never heard of this book--ordering now! I love the idea of this and that it gives you some language to communicate what form of listening you are looking for! Amazing!
I totally can see this! I use active listening with my little kids but not with my husband. We have a good relationship and good communication skills but active listening isn’t one of our tools.
Yes, I love this example of the nuance--works great in some relationships, but it isn't necessary for all.
It took me years to fully realize that the fact that my husband isn’t talking about what I said doesn’t mean he didn’t hear and isn’t thinking about what I said. He often did, and days or weeks later his actions prove it. Of course, there are plenty of times he actually didn’t hear me...knowing which time is which is the challenge.
Yes, this is so well put and why I love the takeaway from this communication debate so much--there are lots of ways to listen well!! And when we get rigid about one particular way, we miss out on the others. Have you and your hubs figured out any strategies that do work to figure out what is getting heard and what isn't?
Nope. It’s the big marital mystery.
Darn it. I was really hoping you had a magic answer that one. You know, for a friend;)