My husband and I disagree on many aspects of politics, so we have a lot of practice having discussions about things we fundamentally disagree on. When we met in 2011 he was a moderate, and I was more liberal. We got married in 2013, and around 2016 he became more conservative, and if anything I have become more firmly entrenched in my more liberal beliefs as well. We have had miscarriages while trying to grow our family (we have one daughter), and it has made him feel very uncomfortable being pro choice, but it has made me advocate even more for others to be pro choice because I have felt such a lack of agency in what has happened to me, and I want other women to have options. I do find that my mind wanders more if he tries to talk to me about something I have a feeling I already disagree with, so I am constantly gauging how invested I am in even having certain conversations.
Laura, first, thank you for sharing. What are the ways you and your husband have found helpful for disagreeing in healthy ways? It's so interesting that you can notice you own mind wandering -- that study finding blew my mind. But I think it's brilliant to use your noticing to gauge your investment. You and your husband might find that book by Neisser and Hess interesting. Couples book club read;)
We treat it somewhat like a debate where we each get a turn to present our side without interruption and then you can refute the argument. We also try to stick to one topic for the conversation which helps. So far we are both very set in what we believe, but it’s still been helpful to be able to disagree without it getting contentious at this point.
These are amazing strategies! As evidenced by the fact that they allow you to disagree but stay connected in understanding one another. Sounds pretty skillful to me!
There was a lot to unpack in that piece. Thanks for modeling behavior you'd like others to seek, rather than just write about it. The honesty made it endearing.
My husband and I disagree on many aspects of politics, so we have a lot of practice having discussions about things we fundamentally disagree on. When we met in 2011 he was a moderate, and I was more liberal. We got married in 2013, and around 2016 he became more conservative, and if anything I have become more firmly entrenched in my more liberal beliefs as well. We have had miscarriages while trying to grow our family (we have one daughter), and it has made him feel very uncomfortable being pro choice, but it has made me advocate even more for others to be pro choice because I have felt such a lack of agency in what has happened to me, and I want other women to have options. I do find that my mind wanders more if he tries to talk to me about something I have a feeling I already disagree with, so I am constantly gauging how invested I am in even having certain conversations.
Laura, first, thank you for sharing. What are the ways you and your husband have found helpful for disagreeing in healthy ways? It's so interesting that you can notice you own mind wandering -- that study finding blew my mind. But I think it's brilliant to use your noticing to gauge your investment. You and your husband might find that book by Neisser and Hess interesting. Couples book club read;)
We treat it somewhat like a debate where we each get a turn to present our side without interruption and then you can refute the argument. We also try to stick to one topic for the conversation which helps. So far we are both very set in what we believe, but it’s still been helpful to be able to disagree without it getting contentious at this point.
These are amazing strategies! As evidenced by the fact that they allow you to disagree but stay connected in understanding one another. Sounds pretty skillful to me!
You are very brave and very intelligent thank you for your industrious efforts and willingness to teach from the trenches .
Take good care of your self, this is hard work you are doing for us all💕
That was so brave of you to reach out to the blogger. I doubt I would have had that kind of courage.
It helped to view it as an experiment;) And thank you.
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I am in awe of your generosity and curiosity!
Aw, thank you Melinda. That means so much coming from someone who I often feel in awe of!
There was a lot to unpack in that piece. Thanks for modeling behavior you'd like others to seek, rather than just write about it. The honesty made it endearing.
Thank you so much, Cindy! This is the nicest comment.
Really interesting post, thank you.
Thanks Belinda!
Wow, what an amazing piece. Thank you for sharing this experience.
Can't thank you enough for your support, Kathryn.