There are n number of perspectives to a particular instance/circumstance. But what we interpret in that particular moment just shows how broaden view point our cognition has got. Take for example- I can see 20 feet with sheer clarity with my set of eyes but someone standing besides me with a set of binoculars can see 100 feet with clarity. I think so BOTH/AND works as a set of binoculars for every one as we gotta keep looking for what we can;t see in that particular instance because we are just looking it from our own lense which has got a small sample size. We gotta have the gray area and look for what's missing, if not we would be misinterpreting and leading to fights in relationships and one won't be able to understand other person. Gotta look for everything from ten thousand foot view point once every time.
Wow. This was a riveting read (and of course I want to know if there was any fallout for Mager when she learned about the perp's murderous intentions. Chilling!). I'm noticing that both/and thinking serves me better in pretty much every facet of my life, this is clearly no exception. It's nice to read anecdotal and sciencey reasons why those "beware of being generous" maxims don't tell a full story.
I one million percent agree that both/and thinking is so helpful in all pockets of life (though definitely not always easy to implement!). I'll spoil the ending for you: the fallout was minimal. They upped her security and soon cut off the interviews. when she testified at his trial 18 months later, he cried when she entered the room and mouthed to her "it's ok" when the guilty verdict was read. A testament to the lasting power of strategic understanding.
"You can be understanding AND boundaried. Generous AND self-protective. Caring AND strategic." Not easy but worth striving for. I miss the mark sometimes. End up too boundaried or too self-protective or too generous. Important to have self-compassion in those moments, make amends when called for, and try again. There is a learning curve for sure. Enjoyed the article. :)
Ah, I love that you are pointing out the need for self-compassion here--it is hard, and we will miss the mark. Self-compassion can make all the difference in keeping on trying. Thank you for this wonderful thought!
There are n number of perspectives to a particular instance/circumstance. But what we interpret in that particular moment just shows how broaden view point our cognition has got. Take for example- I can see 20 feet with sheer clarity with my set of eyes but someone standing besides me with a set of binoculars can see 100 feet with clarity. I think so BOTH/AND works as a set of binoculars for every one as we gotta keep looking for what we can;t see in that particular instance because we are just looking it from our own lense which has got a small sample size. We gotta have the gray area and look for what's missing, if not we would be misinterpreting and leading to fights in relationships and one won't be able to understand other person. Gotta look for everything from ten thousand foot view point once every time.
The advice to zoom out once in a while is so spot on!
Wow. This was a riveting read (and of course I want to know if there was any fallout for Mager when she learned about the perp's murderous intentions. Chilling!). I'm noticing that both/and thinking serves me better in pretty much every facet of my life, this is clearly no exception. It's nice to read anecdotal and sciencey reasons why those "beware of being generous" maxims don't tell a full story.
I one million percent agree that both/and thinking is so helpful in all pockets of life (though definitely not always easy to implement!). I'll spoil the ending for you: the fallout was minimal. They upped her security and soon cut off the interviews. when she testified at his trial 18 months later, he cried when she entered the room and mouthed to her "it's ok" when the guilty verdict was read. A testament to the lasting power of strategic understanding.
That is really, REALLY wild.
"You can be understanding AND boundaried. Generous AND self-protective. Caring AND strategic." Not easy but worth striving for. I miss the mark sometimes. End up too boundaried or too self-protective or too generous. Important to have self-compassion in those moments, make amends when called for, and try again. There is a learning curve for sure. Enjoyed the article. :)
Ah, I love that you are pointing out the need for self-compassion here--it is hard, and we will miss the mark. Self-compassion can make all the difference in keeping on trying. Thank you for this wonderful thought!