Books, Books, Books
When writing productivity fails, it's reading to the rescue.
My summer presence on Substack has become nonexistent thanks to having three kids far apart enough in age that no one camp suits all but not far apart enough in age that any are old enough to drive. There have been weeks where the hours spent getting bodies where they needed to go far exceeded any work time I got for the effort.1 By the time I sit down to work, I often feel spent.
In order to keep a professional ball rolling, you can deliberately lean into activities that are less taxing, like those made automatic through practice, or activities that simply come more naturally to most people. I discuss this idea at length in my book, Work, Parent, Thrive. (Message me if you’re interested in receiving the first chapter for free!).
The fact is, it’s easier to consume than it is to create—with writing as well as dinner! For me, reading takes less effort, is easier to fit into smaller pockets of time, and then there’s audiobooks for the driving around town that eats up my energy. In keeping with my general mission, this introduces me to ideas in relational science and stories that make that science come to life.
In today’s post, I’m sharing some of the summer reads I enjoyed most, including ones I’ve listened to during all those around-town drives with my kids.2 [Also, paid subscribers will see that the book we’ve elected to read for our October book club, How to Fall in Love with Anyone, is included in this list. Hope you are getting excited!].
What have been your favorite summer reads?
The Undoing Project: A Friendship that Changed Our Minds by Michael Lewis
This book offers a glimpse into the friendship and work of Nobel Prizewinner Daniel Kahneman and his colleague Amos Tversky, who passed before the prize could be awarded (Nobel prizes are not awarded posthumously). Even if you know about the work from this brilliant duo, you may not know about their friendship, which was a rather complicated, though quite beautiful one. Michael Lewis is one of the best storytellers of our generation, and through this story of the complexities of friendship, he bring the science of “thinking fast and slow”3 to life. I will say, though, the first chapter of the book almost caused me to put the book away. If you pick this one up, hang tight through the beginning—it’s well worth it!
Conflicted: How Productive Disagreement Leads to Better Outcomes by Ian Leslie
This book was published in 2019 but I only discovered it this summer—it’s absolutely terrific. The books starts with an exploration of how we’ve misunderstood conflict as something bad, something to avoid, when really it is a source of connection, learning, and inspiration. This is similar to another book I discussed recently, The Power of Discord pointing to the huge and often overlooked power of conflict. Leslie then delves into the various strategies that can help us do conflict better, from allowing others to “save face” to only getting mad on purpose. Leslie is a great storyteller, as well as having a great handle on the science of conflict. I highly recommend this one.
Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths—And How We Can Stop by Bill Eddy
I picked this book up after hearing Eddy on one of my favorite podcasts, Psychologists Off the Clock.4 Eddy was on to discuss his new book about dealing with adult bullies. His framework seemed interesting, so I looked up what else he had written and, well, who can help being intrigued by a title about electing narcissists and sociopaths? I didn’t love the book as much as I wanted to—it’s not so heavy on psychological science. But I’m including it here because I think it’s a valuable read, offering a framework of how leaders that are dangerous tend to create false crises, name false victims, and establish themselves as the false heroes. Eddy uses historical examples to back this up, from Hitler to McCarthy, and yes, he holds Trump up as an example, too. The jury is out on the validity of this framework, but as we get into the deep water of this election season, I think it’s a worthwhile read.
A Fever in the Heartland: The Ku Klux Klan's Plot to Take Over America, and the Woman Who Stopped Them by Tim Eagan
A few months ago, I had written a newsletter about a incredible and unlikely friendship between a KKK leader and a Black activist. Since apparently I’m interested in the KKK,5 a family member suggested I might like this book, too. A Fever in the Heartland tells the story of a narcissistic, sociopathic man named D.C. Stephenson who rose to power in the early 1900’s not just in the KKK, but in the politics of Indiana. This sick, twisted man embezzled, drank heavily, and raped women, all while presenting himself as a pious and sober member of society. Stephenson seemed unstoppable until he pillaged, raped, and murdered a young woman named Madge Oberholtzer. Her and her family’s fortitude and the legal system stopped a man who would otherwise have continued harming innocent people. This tragic story has important implications, not unlike those raised by Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths, but feels like a more reliable historical dive into the psychology of how deeply immoral people end up in powerful leadership positions.
How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told by Harrison Scott Key
I found this book on a quest for memoirs about marriage and I am so grateful I did. Harrison Scott Key is a hilarious writer. He’s got other books that I now feel compelled to check out, because in this one, he somehow manages to bring humor to a deeply painful story of his wife cheating on him with a family friend who he pegs with the pseudonym “Chad” (before apologizing to all the Chad’s out there). It’s in the title, so not a spoiler alert, that Key and his wife do manage to stay together, and they do it through sheer force of will, humor, carefully crafted support systems, and their faith. Incredibly, Key manages to strike a balance between holding his wife responsible for her betrayal while sustaining compassion for her. He doesn’t conclude that staying married would have been the right choice for anyone else, but the insights you’ll pick up from their marital story are ones that will have you questioning your own assumptions of “right” and “wrong” in the face of betrayal. Plus, Key is really stinking funny!
How to Fall in Love with Anyone: A Memoir in Essays by Mandy Len Catron.
For those of you who attended the first book club, you know that Wellness references this book and uses some of the Catron’s personal story to guide the fictional plotline. Catron is the author of the viral New York Times piece about falling in love with anyone. She shares both her personal love history, as well as a trove of relational science in this book. I’m really excited to discuss this at the Relational Riffs October book club, taking place on October 12th as 12pm EST(US) and if you’re not yet a paid subscriber but want to be a part of the book club, upgrade now to join us! (Or reach out to me if finances are an obstacle.)
Passage to Avalon by Mike Thayer
All three of my boys had read and loved Mike Thayer’s book, The Double Life of Danny Day. Since it’s relatively rare to find an author they all like (except JK Rowling!), we figured we’d donate some summer car time to another Thayer book. Passage to Avalon is the first in a series called The Techno Wizard. It’s got lots of technology jokes, teen jokes, creative characters and fantasy creatures, and Thayer, who does the audiobook reading, is a great narrator, which my boys and I care a lot about. We were disappointed to discover that no other books in the series had been made into audiobooks, so we more recently started listening to The Academy. The Academy is a series about a kid from Ohio who gets invited to join an elite soccer youth training academy in England. My kids are soccer aficionados, so they are loving this one (though we all find the narrator’s intonations are a wee bit annoying).
Have you read any of the books described here? Did you like them, hate them, or come away with different take home messages? Please share any recent favorite reads here, too!
1 As someone who used to have an hour-long commute, I can’t recall how the heck I managed it. Maybe it’s similar to the difference in how kidneys process alcohol at age 20 versus 40? My brain, like my kidneys, can no longer process poison from alcohol or commuting. My hat is off to people who commute and still manage to retain their thinking capacities.
2 The main downside of teaching my kids to love audiobooks is that I’m now in a phase where no one actually wants to talk to me during our drives.
3 I had read several of the primary research studies from Kahneman and Tversky, but never Thinking Fast and Slow—until this summer. This book is widely known to be terrific and it did not disappoint. Kahneman isn’t just a brilliant scientist, he’s also a terrific writer and storyteller.
4 Ok, full disclosure, I co-hosted this podcast for six years, perhaps explaining why I love it so much. Still, now that I’m just an audience member, I think I can safely say that this podcast has breadth and depth in evidence-based psychology. Highly recommend!
5 Why people join hate groups is obviously an intriguing area of inquiry. But it’s also important. Understanding the psychological processes that galvanize people to join hate groups helps us be better positioned to prevent or interrupt participation.